This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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