did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
