Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
