are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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