Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Holy sore nipples Batman
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
