when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
