My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
