Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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