i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
