i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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