RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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