Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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