Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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