Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
