Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
how drunk are you?
Several
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
