i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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