i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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