the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just gargled with NyQuil
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize