like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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