woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
either way he was missing a nipple.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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