Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
