By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
