yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
