He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
