he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
