mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
