doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
