.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
