Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
