I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
