what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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