Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
