Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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