ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
