we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We are two peas in an std pod
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
