I intend to get homeless drunk
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
