he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
