Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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