you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
