im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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