your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
