Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
