You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
