I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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