So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
