someone owes me an orgasm
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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