I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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