My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i love accidental penises.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
