Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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