2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
