Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
