You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
