I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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